I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize