He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
