if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
