Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
