I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
