Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
