hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
