see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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