go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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