Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
