I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
