no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
