i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
