I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
