Pants 0. Shit 1.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
