He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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