i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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