you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
