i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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