At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize