I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need to calm my uterus...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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