first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
