Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
