you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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