My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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