planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
