Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
