Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
