Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
