woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
