"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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