She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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