Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
