this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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