He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
