fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
