its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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