I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
