I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
