Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
