College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
