Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
