69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
