there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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