I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
