so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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