My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I fill condoms, not promises.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
