he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And then the night went full on bisexual.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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