if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize