never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
