It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
