I wish my penis had an off switch
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
