wat bout pragnant strippers??
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
