I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
