Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
