worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
