Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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