My room smells like vodka and shame
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
