I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Randomize
