need another drink. this is the easiest way
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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