Porn is love you can see.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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