I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
